Being a single mom tougher than modelling: Aditi Govitrikar on the toughest role of all

She was a self-confessed nerd who had just completed her MBBS and was all set to pursue gynaecology but life had other plans. Dr Aditi Govitrikar not only took part in the Gladrags Megamodel contest in 1997, she walked away with the crown. She went on to do many modelling assignments and win audiences over with her understated screen performances. Govitrikar , who has raised her kids almost single-handedly following a divorce, speaks to Neha Bhayana about the challenges she faced and how motherhood reshaped her


Your kids are adults now. What’s it like to be a mom to grown-up kids?

My daughter is 25 and my son has just turned 18. Physically, I am freer now than when they were little, but mentally I still have to be there for them. I am more of a confidante, advisor and mentor now. I do miss the days when they used to come running to hug me when I reached home, but I enjoy the time I have for myself now. I never had this when I was modelling or acting and they were little. Balancing work and motherhood took a lot out of me.

Model or mommy — which is the tougher job in your opinion?

Being a mom is definitely tougher, and in my case, I was responsible for playing both the roles of a mother and a father most of the time. There was no good cop-bad cop scenario. Everything was rolled into one which was a little difficult.

What are the challenges you faced as a single mother?

The challenges were when one had to make decisions about something important like their education or how to discipline them. I was always wondering whether I was doing the right thing or whether I was being too strict. Such questions always played on my mind. There was no one to discuss things with. I remember seeing my parents speak to each other and arrive at decisions. Not having that was very, very hard.

Some single parents feel the need to be stricter due to the unique challenges they face. Was that the case with you?

I have not been a helicopter mother. I have always had a conversation with my kids irrespective of what age they were to explain my stand or why I was saying yes, or no to a sleepover, for instance. My decisions have always been open to discussion and negotiation. Of course, there were certain things which were non-negotiable. Then I just said, “Look, I am the parent, this is my decision, and you’ll have to stick to it.”

What were the things that were non-negotiable to you?

I was very particular about attendance. My kids were not allowed to miss school unless they were really unwell. They could not say that I went for a birthday party yesterday so I’m tired, I can’t go. That was not something that I subscribed to at all. I also wanted them to submit their assignments and complete their homework on time. They were not allowed to play till they were done.

Like most Indian parents, do marks matter a lot to you?

No, I learned very early on in my parenting journey that though I am a nerd and I like to be first or second in my class, my children don’t have to do the same. Once I started modelling and acting, I realised that there was so much more to life than being first in class. As long as you are happy and excel in the field you choose, marks don’t matter that much. But yes, putting in the work to get that A grade was important to me. So, the journey became more important than the report card.

Was your ex-husband (a bariatric surgeon) involved in their upbringing?

It was joint custody on paper. The kids were supposed to go there for the weekends. Initially, they did that but as they grew up the frequency of visits reduced because they had their own life, birthday parties and camps or things like that. Then, they would visit maybe once a month. So, I was handling them on my own almost all the time.

Over the past decade, several single celebrities have had children via adoption or surrogacy and people are more open about divorce too. Has single parenthood gained acceptance? Have you faced any awkward situations?

When I became a single parent, it was not a norm in my daughter’s and son’s classrooms. There were very few parents who were single at that time. One day, in front of a bunch of people, my son, who was then six, came and asked me, “Mamma, everybody in my class has only one house. Why do I have two?” There was pin-drop silence. How does one give a rational answer to a small child? My heart almost skipped a beat but I just looked at him and said, “You are the lucky one because you’ve got two homes. Think about it. Your luck is double compared to others.” He was happy with that answer thankfully.

What values do you focus on?

The most important thing which I try and teach them is to be a good human being. Of course, they will still make mistakes. Sure, they might land up hurting somebody. But they shouldn’t do it knowingly. I told them that if they hurt someone unknowingly, then they should forgive themselves and ask for forgiveness. But to be a good human being is very important. Not a good boy or a bad boy, because that label can be very, very damaging.

The Marvellous Mrs India pageant launched by you last year has no height and weight criteria for participation. What made you want to start a beauty pageant that is open to all?

I thought of starting a new beauty pageant for a couple of reasons. After judging over 500 pageants, I noticed a trend was on a rise where the crown is for sale. The process is not fair. In most of the pageants, all of us judges would write down the marks and select a winner, but someone else would be declared the winner altogether. This bothered me. Secondly, I feel the journey of a beauty pageant is very beautiful. I still remember my Mrs World journey. I wanted to give that to women. Marvellous Mrs India has become a culmination of who I am as a doctor, psychologist and as someone who has judged so many pageants and trained contestants. I wanted to make the journey beautiful where the hashtag is #beautyinsideout. We focus on improving women’s confidence and teaching stress management. I do one-on-one sessions with every participant to assess, analyse and empower her. There is so much pressure to look a certain way because of social media. We encourage participants to look after themselves better. We don’t look at the scale and there is no weight criteria. But we do encourage participants to get fitter, irrespective of their age or body weight.

How can parents encourage their kids to be body positive and comfortable in their own skin?

I think confidence is the biggest gift that a parent can give a child. If you inculcate self-belief in your child, then body shaming or any other kind of pressure will not affect them. This is easier said than done, considering kids are still bullied in class or laughed at if they are overweight or underweight. So, communication becomes the key. Unfortunately, everyone is so hooked to screens that the communication that used to happen earlier at the dining table, has become rare. It is important for parents to be honest and ask themselves: “Does my child feel safe enough to come to me if something is bothering them?” You have to build that trust so that your child tells you if they are going through something or even when you see the signs of any stress. You can read the child’s body language or notice any change in routine and immediately check with the child.

The US Surgeon General has called parenting stress a serious health concern. Do you think parents are to blame for this stress?

Well, I think parenting has never been stress-free. And, if you ask any human being, they’ll have a list of things that their parents did, and they don’t want to do with their kids. Now, social media has added another layer of stress in everybody’s life. That is something that one needs to be aware of. When one decides to be a parent, be aware of the responsibilities and changes that parenthood brings to your career, personal life or travel plans. You have to be cognisant of this when you take the step to be a parent. Don’t think you will have a child and then figure things out. You can seek counselling and see whether you are ready for parenthood and what kind of parent you will be. A little bit of study helps one make an informed decision. You will still make mistakes as a parent but you will have more information.

Childhood was considered the most carefree phase of one’s life, but these days one sees kids under immense pressure. As a psychologist, do you think parents need to reassess their expectations?

Parents, the education system, govt, and society too need to reassess the entire system. Today, typical rote learning is out of the question. There are so many jobs which have already become redundant, thanks to AI. My son wants to be an actor, so I recently warned him that actors may become redundant. I have seen some amazing short films where the actors were AI generated. So, if a five-year-old child is saying, “I want to be an actor when I grow up,” the parents need to think ahead about what roles will exist after 10 years. We need to figure out what our child’s aptitude is and be aware of who the child is. One may be good with one subject and score zero in another. No human can be good at everything. Parents need to understand that we can put a little bit of pressure on the child but we should not cause them distress.

How did motherhood change you and what did it teach you?

See, I became a mother at a very young age — most of my friends have 10–12-year-old kids now — so I did not have any one I could call and ask questions. I was left to my own devices. Parenting definitely taught me patience and made me more responsible. I was anyway a responsible person being the eldest of three siblings. Motherhood also made me realise how different human beings can be. I am a very curious person. I like to go and explore and experience things. In my head, I thought everybody was like that. One day, I told my daughter, “ Kiara , let’s go to the bakery (my friend has a bakery) and see how bread is made.” Instinctively, she just looked at me and said, “Mamma, why do I need to do that? We can just buy bread. I don’t need to see how bread is made.” That came as a shock to me. I realised that this individual who belongs to me and whom I have created in my womb is so different from me. Another day, I came home to find Kiara lounging on the sofa while our two domestic helpers were finishing her school project. When I questioned Kiara, she said she had delegated. I was surprised because I was not someone who ever thought of delegating or outsourcing my work. This made me see that my child had leadership skills, which opened up new perspectives for me. I realised that she was not wrong. It’s just that she was looking at things differently.

Describe motherhood in one word.

Precious.